Advice on Conducting Oneself, or Views On Natalie’s Future,
From People Who Eat Snacks and Play with Rolly Pollies at the Same Time
By the Kindergarten and First Grade Students
Eat breakfast first thing. Because your stomach
needs to have something. If you have leftovers
in your stomach, you’ll throw up.
Eat Toaster Strudel for breakfast. Every day.
On Saturday morning, eat oatmeal or Honey Sunrise.
Then watch “Oprah” because you learn facts
about other people and all different kinds of stuff.
Read The Omnivore’s Dilemma.
When your food is in your mouth,
don’t talk, or you might spit on someone.
(Actually, when you talk, you are spitting.
In fact, the “p” gives off the most spit.)
If you have a hammer, hammer nails.
Don’t hammer yourself. The worst place
would be on a scrape that’s already there.
If the copy machine breaks, don’t tell anybody.
If you get a flat tire, push your car
to the mechanic and get a new tire.
If you have kids, make sure they have food.
Watch and make sure nothing goes wrong.
You should have a super-duper big house.
You’ll know it’s time to get married
when you’re twenty. Or fifteen.
Listen to the teacher. Be quiet. Do your work.
Take Aleve for headaches.
Too much TV burns your eyes.
Wear pajamas to bed. Unless you’re a pirate.
Don’t be a pirate.
Don’t let children bother you.
Don’t fight or you gotta go to the police.
Don’t answer the phone or text while driving.
Don’t be a housekeeper.
Don’t be a lawyer because you have to walk around in a suit.
(Be an art teacher.)
Don’t draw on your hand.
Group poem by Kindergarten and First Grade Students
Photo by Ann via Flickr